Well it seems like no matter how hard I try, something makes christmas less then perfect for me, this year its bad, real bad.

Here is the background first, see for about seven years, my grandfather lived with us, before dying, and while he did, well lets just say relations between my mom and one of her siblings soured because of his interferance, but now she wants to make it better with the help of one of her other brothers, but my dad does not like the first brother, at all, so now he is refusing to be here for christmas eve, the biggest night in this house, and everyone is going to be here, including cubbi, my nieces and nephews, my brothers and sisters, my cousins, both uncles I mentioned and their wives and of course me.

Last night mom begged my dad to stay for christmas eve, but he said he wouldn't and was even thinking about getting a divorce, in the coldest way he could, and now my mom wants to kick my dad out of the house after the holidays

Now mom is telling me I shouldn't say anything but I just want to tell them both "SHUT THE FUCK UP AND BE JOLLY OR I STAB YOU BOTH, I AM SICK OF YOU TWO FIGHTING IN SOME WAY SHAPE AND FORM EVERY FUCKING YEAR!" I swear if things do not go right this year I am quitting christmas for good, fuck it, I am sick of the stress and bullshit that goes on every fucking year for what, one night of people crowding my house and me feeling more and more uneasy and upset, plus all the work. My mom is also sick so she can't handle it anymore, she wasn't even going to do christmas but my autisic niece said she couldn't wait for christmas at grandma's and caved, which I thought was stupid of her, autisic or not health goes before everything else I am sorry. But we are going through this and I don't want it ruined since this could be the last one ever, and I don't plan on taking this up when I am married, to be honest if this gets screwed up, plus some other shit that I have had building up against everyone in my family for years, I am going cut everybody off that is blood related to me, I don't care anymore, I am sick of all this stupidity and I want it to end now, or else. All I want is some peace in my life, that is my christmas wish, a little peace and I don't think I am getting that till 2007, but oh it will be worth the wait.

I know this is dramatic, but I needed to vent, and if anyone has any words o wisdom I would love to hear them